The Billionaire's Treat

Although all billionaires aren’t taxed enough and will probably go to Hell, Warren Hellman tried to beat the rap by donating a lot of money to fund, among other things, the Hardly Strictly Bluegrass music festival in Golden Gate Park. Fun fact, the unwieldy name came about because it was originally called “Strictly Bluegrass” but that pretty severely limits the bill and after a few years they opened it up. Hellman’s own band used to play every year but then he died in 2011. I don’t think I ever saw him but I’m sure it wasn’t as cringey as other billionaire vanity projects like JD & the Straight Shot, ugh.

Since then they’ve really leaned into the diversity. In 2011, you could have sat in the same place and seen, on the same stage, Ricky Skaggs, Broken Social Scene, Bob Mould, Buddy Miller, and Buckethead, although you’d want to go wait in the Porta Potty line while he played. MC Hammer used to play every year too, but I guess doesn’t any more.

The first year, 2001, was one day and had Emmylou Harris headlining, as she has gone on to do every year since. I’m not sure the first year I went but it may have been 2007, when it was still two days (Jason Isbell, John Prine, Steve Earle, Jeff Tweedy). I’ve gone off and on since then. Hey, it’s free and you can bring your own beer, what’s not to like.

(Humorously, the shortest time I ever spent was one year when my wife’s sister was visiting from Ireland and we got our spot set up and a blanket all laid out and then she saw a bee and we had to leave. Don’t they have bees in Ireland or is it like snakes?)

What’s not to like is it is very crowded because people love music and free shit. Based on my meticulous research, the best time to go is early on Friday when most people are at work, or I guess early on any of the days. This year I got there at like 4:30 on Saturday to see Roseanne Cash (who was great btw) and it was very, very crowded. On Sunday I went at like 2:00 and it was just starting to get bad when I left at like 3:30. But that’s the good thing - since it’s free, you can dip in and out at will. I wasn’t going to go at all yesterday but then I saw this Bluesky post from Jen Watson, who I do not know and have never met except on social media and got inspired to go see I’m With Her, who were pretty good!

Let’s talk about the crowd, which has either gotten steadily younger every year or I have gotten older, which isn’t possible so it’s younger. There are Serious Music People who generally gather at the front of the stage and know the songs really well and are there to listen. This is a very, very small minority. The vast majority of people are there to socialize and hang out and talk during the entirety of every set. Normally this behavior makes me homicidal but it’s a free festival and the sound is really good and you can usually find a spot where you can actually hear the artists. As you know, October is usually the best San Francisco Weather Month and it was startlingly gorgeous this year and everyone loves that too. This year’s crowd seemed to really lean into the hippie nostalgia and every 20something Marina girl watched a YouTube about How to Tie a Head Bandana to Go With Your Flowy Long Skirt so they could drink can wine and talk to other girls with head bandanas. Also it IS San Francisco which explains why the guy in front of me was wearing Baby’s First Cowboy Hat and showing his friend Ethereum’s price graph on his phone. The good part is that everyone’s pretty mellow and less aggro than you see at festivals where people pay $600 and feel like that entitles them to do whatever the fuck they want.

Also, don’t bring your dog. Every dog I saw looked miserable trying to navigate thousands of human legs in very tight quarters. The dog doesn’t know Gillian Welch and is just trying to figure out why there are so many fucking people in their way.

The other good part is that if you leave at 3:30, you have plenty of scooter options.

Let’s close with my favorite overheards from the weekend, which I eagerly collected and wrote in my Notes app. I am an enthusiastic eavesdropper.

“That’s not WHY the Deadheads are here”

“She acts like she’s fat” (or maybe it was phat, do people even say that anymore?)

“I didn’t get the psychedlic effect”

And my personal fave (note that I heard this in passing and didn’t get a chance to verify):

“I’m a babe and I know it”