Stroke of luck

This past Tuesday morning was pretty routine. Got up, took the dog for a walk, woke my kid up and let her know it was almost time for breakfast, had a stroke, found out we didn’t have the right cereal, went to the corner store and got Frosted Flakes, that kind of thing.

Yep, had a stroke. When I was getting breakfast ready, I dropped a spoon and felt kind of dizzy when I bent over to pick it up and I couldn’t quite grab it. “That’s weird,” I thought, when it fell out of my hand the second time. I went and sat down on the bed for like 30 seconds until the dizziness passed. I felt pretty normal until I tried to talk and noticed something weird was going on with my mouth and I was tripping over words and they weren’t coming out right.

“That’s weird,” I thought again.

I went to the store and got the cereal and while my daughter ate I googled “mild stroke” and “mild stroke symptoms” and started to get a little worried. I got ready to take my kid to camp and texted my wife “After I drop her off I think I might need to go to the ER” [next blue bubble] “I think I might have had a mini stroke”

I drove the kid to camp and was driving home when my wife called. Understandably upset, she said something like “YOU NEED TO GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM RIGHT NOW!!!” So instead of home I drove to St. Mary’s Medical Center and parked legally on the street and walked in and said I thought I had a stroke.

A lot of medical stuff followed. Everybody had a lot of questions about me! I told the story about dropping the spoon multiple times. Even though it’s not that great a story, this crowd LOVED it and couldn’t get enough of it. A third year medical student whose name escapes me did the rubber hammer on the knee thing, which I thought only existed in Bugs Bunny cartoons. I did a CAT scan which was p mellow and didn’t show anything, so you know what was next. The big motha. That clicky grindy bitch from hell.

MRI TIME MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Hey have you ever laid in a tube one inch bigger than your body while what sounds like amplified robots fucking whirs and clicks right by your ear? No? THEN I HAVE A TREAT FOR YOU. (Coincidentally in claustrophobia news I just found out about the Nutty Putty Cave Tragedy today but that’s another story.) Anyway I was in the hole for 35 minutes but they finally found what they wanted. My brain had a little explosion.

See that little white spot about halfway up on the right side? That’s it. Inconvenient!

I heard the words you never want to hear in the ER: “We’re admitting you.” That means you get the most expensive hotel room in the city and you can’t even enjoy it. My wife, who was unfailingly supportive and positive, brought me a bigass sandwich which I devoured since I hadn’t had anything since 7:30 am.

That evening, I was visited by three ghosts. No, wrong story. One neurologist. “Yep, you had a stroke,” he said, like he was telling me I guessed the ending of Sixth Sense correctly. I usually thought of “a stroke” as something really bad that basically incapacitates you for months. Turns out you can have cute little strokes too! I had the kind where instead of getting droopy face and needing a walker I just said “kind the same” instead of “kind of the same.” Like an ESL stroke.

So of course I had to stay overnight which sucked because every time I started a dream someone woke me up to take my BP or draw my blood for something and the next day - yesterday, I guess - there were more doctors and lot of touching my nose and touching their finger and marching in place to show I wasn’t one of those type strokers. Then some other tests and they finally let me go at like 4:00 p.m.

One humorous note: on my discharge papers it said “acute ischemic stroke,” cool I knew that, and “dysarthia - clumsy hand syndrome” which it was ONE TIME, I don’t think it’s a “syndrome,” I texted all night with no prob, and then “new onset type 2 diabetes mellitus” WHAT THE FUCK??? No one mentioned that!?! The nurse called the doctor and whoops that was a mistake. DAMN GOT ME GOOD. I imagine all the doctors cracking up on the other end of the CCTV.

I feel fine! I slept a ton last night (because I only got like 4 hrs in that all-night party you call a hospital, St. Mary’s) and I’m back to work today and actually feel great. I’m on some incredible new drugs like Torvastatin which I really feel like will open the doors of perception for me or cut down my cholesterol.

I guess this is the part of the story where I talk about the Life Lessons I learned from my brush with death or how I’m gonna quit my job and eat pray love my way across Europe now but that ain’t it. It’s still early but I haven’t really grappled with it yet so I’m not sure! I feel like pretty much the same person. Definitely gonna change my diet and all that good stuff but I mostly feel like I dodged a bullet that could have been much worse. It made me think about how grateful I am for the wonderful people in my life and how lucky I am, that’s for sure. That’s good!

[EDIT: Thank you for all the lovely words of support! I should have made this more clear but I’m TOTALLY FINE! I just got back from a long walk with the dog and I feel great. I’m making all my follow-up appointments! We don’t need anything! You are all so sweet.]