San Francisco parking and the search for God

Gladiatorial games were ostensibly banned by the Emperor Constantine in 325 CE, but they continued, more or less unabated, until Honorius finally closed the remaining training centers in 404 CE. Left without the ancient combat, modern day San Franciscans have poured their rage and hostility into a new bloodsport: parking.

There are about 275,500 street parking spaces in San Francisco (442,00 if you count garages and lots) and around 493,000 cars registered in the City which means someone is always looking for a parking spot. At the same time, there is a code of parking rules which are enforced sporadically and without much warning, which leads to this:

EXHIBIT A: David Jacoby, who apparently has a garage, has parked with his car ever so slightly intruding into the sidewalk for, he would have us believe, 10 years or more. First, here’s the parking rule: you can park in your driveway, as long as no part of your car extends into the sidewalk, whose width you can determine by consulting a map online.

So, Jacoby was in violation of the parking rules, he acknowledges it, but still claims he should be exempt for reasons.

I can kinda get where he’s coming from. He’s been engaging in some lowkey cheating for years and he got caught and he says “I’ve been doing this for years, you shouldn’t get mad now!” But, if you think about it, that’s just a free pass to break the law until you get caught. Sorry, David, pay up like the rest of us.

And there is a whole tranche of haters who say “Look at the picture! He’s barely blocking the sidewalk! You can still easily maneuver your wheelchair/baby stroller/grandma cart filled with stolen recyclables around it!” Yes, perhaps, but if you let them get away with it at 2 feet, why not 3? Why not 4? You have to draw the line somewhere, and SF, not unreasonably, has drawn it at the width of the sidewalk, which is usually 15 feet from the curb.

EXHIBIT B: A more personal tale. I have a neighbor on my block who has a garage and three cars. One of his cars he keeps in the garage. The other two he expends MIGHTY amounts of energy to keep parked in the two spots in front of his house. He rarely drives these two cars - they exist mostly to occupy parking spaces, which seems like kind of a waste of money, but on the rare occasions when he or his wife take one of the Outside Cars somewhere, they do an elaborate dance where they pull out the Inside Car to occupy the Outside Car spot and then do the whole thing in reverse when they get back.

Since they leave their cars there all the time, they are constantly in violation of the 72-hour rule, which states that you must move your car every 3 days, even if it’s parked legally. As best as I can tell, SFMTA gave up on enforcing the 72-hour rule unless prompted by complaints.

EXHIBIT C: Around the corner from me there is a person who drives a Camaro. Every time they leave, their spot is immediately occupied by a motorcycle taking up an entire car parking spot. I’m not stupid, I know what’s going on here. Probably legal but kind of a dick move. I suspect there’s a lot of this going on; it’s happened to me previously.

I’ll tell you what. Build the Fantasy Rail Map and then we won’t need cars.