I watched the San Francisco mayoral debate so you don't have to

Oh god I wasn’t particularly looking forward to choosing one of the vapid nerds who tumbled out of the clown car labeled “SF Mayor’s Race” and now I REALLY don’t. I shouldn’t have watched this. You shouldn’t either. Do anything. Go volunteer at a food bank or get some fentanyl - you can get it anywhere, just ask Mark Farrell - or do some crimes or whatever. Just don’t watch four normally-sized and one miniature politician argue about who can build the fewest houses.

Here we have, from left to right, Ahsha Safaí, who really wants you to know he’s an immigrant who was raised by a single mom; Daniel Lurie, who is extremely rich and therefore better than you; Mayor London Breed, the mayor; Big Mark Farrell, who’s going for the mad dad vote; and Aaron Peskin, who’s I don’t even know what he’s doing. They’re all wearing little headset mics like they’re in a production of “Rent” and they’re all very concerned about the wrong things.

Right out the shoot, Breed was clearly gunning for Richie Rich like when she said something about being born with a silver spoon whatever and “I actually have a job, unlike some people on this stage.” OOOOOOO SHOTS FIRED DANNY!!!! She also said he was buying tents for homeless people oh this is a good time to let you know I will not be doing any fact-checking or anything that resembles actual work here because I don’t feel like it and it’s not my thing anyway. So I don’t know, maybe Lurie took a busload of crust punks to REI and cleaned the place out, fuck if I know. The main reason I was disappointed in London is because she seemed super competent and on top of it and I really don’t want to vote for her.

I didn’t really write down anything Safaí said, he was boring.

Lurie is rich nerd, which has been a problematic type the last few years. One humorous note, we were up in Presidio Heights on our way to Dalida (really good, highly recommend) and there were a ton of Lurie campaign signs in the windows of the $10 mil mansions up there. GAME RECOGNIZE GAME. He was definitely playing up the City Hall Outsider thing, which I guess is a good angle. I could see him landing in the top 2. He went to Duke, though, yuck.

Mark Farrell, what are we gonna do with you? I think his angry white guy schtick will resonate but he comes out and says shit like “crime is at record levels” which, no, it is not Mark, and that’s the shit Donald Trump says. Besides, you’re running for mayor of San Francisco, not Oklahoma, where that shit really plays. Oh Peskin got him good, too - little man said “I regulated Recology while he was taking secret payments from them” or something like that. Could be! I’m not gonna check.

Longtime followers of mine know I believe there is only one True Issue in San Francisco and everything else flows from that: There are not enough houses in this city. More housing means fewer homeless and lower rents and more people out and about and a better economy and food just tastes better. And your housecleaner doesn’t have to commute from Tracy to dust off your Ikea furniture and print of a bear hugging California. So where do they stand on housing?

Peskin has been known for years as a guy who doesn’t want anything built near him, which is North Beach, a charming and extremely expensive neighborhood because you can get everything in walking distance from Italian seafood to naked ladies (I’m not linking, do your own research) and the views are stunning and it feels like a little village. Peskin gets very mad if you suggest more people could live there! Meanwhile he boasts that he votes to approve “100,000 new units” and I wonder where they are. Are the 100,000 units in the room with you right now Aaron?

Big Mark, meanwhile, said something about keeping the Sunset the same, which is asinine, you should be able to build an apartment building in the Sunset. I wrote about how fucking hard it was to build a 100% affordable seven-story building on a commercial stretch of Irving. This is bullshit and Farrell should be ashamed of himself for propogating this nonsense.

So after the debate I decided there was one person there who I would vote for in a heartbeat and that is Marisa Lagos, the KQED correspondent who was one of the three moderators and shot out of the gate with “So why are you so fucking corrupt, Mark Farrell? Why you gotta cheat?” or something like that. Girl, speak truth to power like you got an airhorn! She was so good. Imagine her at a presidential debate. She would have someone crying by the end.

Oh what’s this, she’s not running so I can’t vote for her? Well great. I don’t know what I’m gonna do. Nothing’s gonna change anyway until we build the secret 100k units that Aaron’s hiding in his basement.