How I learned to stop worrying and welcome our Robot Car overlords

FIRST OF ALL, sorry for my considerable absence. I don’t really have an excuse other than Lazy. I was telling a friend on Saturday that I usually post when I’m mad about something and it’s too long for Bluesky. Now I’m mad about everything so I need focus.

Attentive readers will note that I have relocated my operation from Substack to here at Beehiiv. There was just a constant stream of stories about how Substack hosts Nazis and other terrible people and it just got to the point where I couldn’t ignore it any more. Plus moving here was a breeze! Everyone should do it.

This isn’t a mad post today, though, it’s a shameful confession/pleasant story about I grew to like a thing that makes many San Franciscans REAL MAD, Waymo robot taxis.

First off, I want you to know that I am a Muni devotee. I have been riding Muni for 30+ years, and at times my Main Lines have been the N Judah, the 15 Third (RIP 15 Third), 30 Stockton - the Saving Private Ryan of Muni lines, not for the weak - the J Church and now the 5 Fulton. I love Muni so much I got the 5 Fulton route tattooed on my arm.

BUT sometimes Muni just doesn’t work out, and we must resort to other modes. I was a longtime Lyft user until one night I was out with a friend at Toronado and then we were both heading in the same direction and he offered me a ride and there it was, the white Jaguar with the spinning top. I got in.

And you know what? It was fine. It’s slow because it always goes the speed limit, which kinda sucks, but it’s a smooth ride and there’s just something cool about it.

The real killer app part, though, is if you’re kind of an introvert and/or socially anxious like me, NO DRIVER. I don’t know if you remember but when Lyft started out they really pushed the idea that you and the driver were buds just hangin’ out and he or she just happens to be giving you a ride for money. They encouraged you to fist-bump your driver! No Sir, do not like. I guess that all went away after Covid but occasionally you get a super chatty driver, which, no shame! Chatting is fine! I just hate small talk and schmoozing and that’s why I secretly really love Waymo. I can just luxuriate in the back and look at my phone and not have to pretend to enjoy a conversation. Does this make me a crank? Of course! But I’ve had a very visible Internet presence for 15+ years and everyone has pretty much figured out by now I’m a crank.

In fact, their advertising kinda plays up this feature! I can’t find any examples online but their display ads all kind of subtly hint “You can get buck in a Waymo, no one’s watching.” Some people took the hint and ran with it.

The other advantage I can think of for women especially is less weird behavior from male drivers. We’ve all seen stories about creepy Uber or Lyft drivers scaring the shit out of passengers and robots haven’t figured out how to do that yet.

(Side note - my wife enjoys commenting on how often I talk to myself or the dog out loud and I don’t think it’s that weird for someone who works primarily at home and has only the dog to listen to me during the day. But in a possibly worrying development, I noticed on Saturday night I was talking to the robot car like “It’s clear, man” and “You’re really going this way? OK, your car!”)

The downside is that it’s slightly more expensive than a human car, but you don’t have to tip so it probably evens out. (It feel weird not to tip! I think the first time I used it I reflexively looked in the app for somewhere to add a tip.)

So look, I still take Muni regularly but this is gonna be my go-to backup. Incidentally, for a long time after Uber & Lyft premiered, I was very loyal to cabs, which I had used for years and wanted to support. But fuck do they make it hard. They premiered an app called Flywheel, I suppose, to compete with the rideshares and make it just as easy to hail a cab as it is to get a Lyft but there are never any cabs in my area or it’ll take one 12 minutes to arrive or some shit and blah! Fuck it! I tried to help you.