Did you know we're gonna legalize polygamy and child brides?

It’s almost election time which means it’s time to sort through about a million ballot propositions and decide stuff that legislators are usually paid to decide for us. Hey, at least we don’t have to vote on dialysis centers this time. Small blessings.

One of the ballot props is Proposition 3. I like it because it’s very short. Here’s what it does: It overturns Prop 8 from back when by deleting the words “Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California” and replacing them with “The right to marry is a fundamental right.” The Legislative Analyst, whose job is to figure out what ballot props mean and then tell us, says “Proposition 3 updates the Constitution to match what the federal courts have said about who can marry,” namely any genders. The LA continues, “Proposition 3 would not change who is allowed to marry in California.”

Makes sense to me! We still have that discriminatory language in the state constitution, and with a US Supreme Court that deadass could overturn the right to same-sex marriage - I think there are at least 3 votes to do it today - we need to protect everyone’s rights. Easy, huh?

NOT SO FAST.

Huh. Polygamy, you say? (taps chin thoughtfully) Anyway, this is all bullshit, of course. I actually went to this website and it has a bunch of loony legal claims about how the word “fundamental” will bulldoze all the other limits on marriage like they’re hot dogs and it’s Joey Chestnutt. Interestingly, there’s nothing on the website about who paid for it or put it up.

My money is on the California Family Council, the right-wing group that hates gays and abortion and homeless people. They’re the only group shameless enough to put anti-Prop 3 arguments in the ballot pamphlet and they know they can’t win telling the truth so they have to make up a bunch of malarkey to try to scare people. Also, anyone who may be inclined to believe this is so dumb they had to explain what polygamy and bigamy are in parentheses. I doubt it’s gonna work.

Vote yes on 3.

Naturally in San Francisco we have a bunch of our own props to vote on but judging from Nextdoor the only one that matters is Prop K, whether to close the Upper Great Highway permanently to cars. I wrote about all the drama around this one earlier. I wasn’t totally committed until I saw a “No on K” sticker on the same car that had this:

Oh fuck off Karen. This is the kind of dumb shit that keeps crappy studios at $1650 a month. San Francisco has a lower population density than Hoboken or Queens or West Hollywood, for that matter, and is not “full” by any stretch. Now I’m definitely voting Yes on K.

I just looked at some of the other SF ballot props and they’re the usual mix of:

• Bonds to pay for shit that needs to be fixed

• Giving cops more money

• Giving firefighters more money and letting them retire earlier

• Giving sheriffs, paramedics, registered nurses, and 911 dispatchers money

• Fiddling with business taxes to fix some prior fuckup from fiddling with business taxes

In sum, the usual smorgasbord of shit that is going to cost a lot of money. The only thing to be grateful for is that I didn’t see any “We feel bad about this and want to say it” props. Progress?