Aww yeah it's time for the dog names

Every year we are blessed with a special and magical treat: Toyotathon. No, I’m kidding, we get to peruse Animal Care and Control’s list of the most popular dog names for dogs registered in San Francisco!

Now here you might be saying “what, I have to register my dog?!?!” You do, dipshit! I have no idea how the city Tax Collector got my info but I started getting a bill for annual dog license payments a couple of years after we brought home our sweet but mentally challenged dog.

Anyway the top 10 is so boringly predictable it’ll make you cry. Luna, Bella, Charlie, Coco, Whatever. Yes, Max and Penny, we’ve seen a hundred of you at the dog park.

The good stuff is way down the list. Let’s take a look at, say, the 751st to 760th most popular names:

Oh yeah, for every Autumn (good dog name btw) there’s a Baby Girl. Benito is really good, as is Button. I picture Calvin as a sort of dog who trips over his own feet and chews up the remote.

Around the 1400s is where shit really pops off. There are 4 dogs in San Francisco named Freddie Mercury! And Forrest! And Fredo! Why would you name your dog after the worst character in The Godfather? Or I guess The Godfather Part 2 but you get my meaning.

Let’s keep digging. There are, impossibly, 3 dogs in San Francisco named Wall-E, the same number as Roz and Vito. Deuce is a really good dog name, especially for a second dog, why are there only 2? There are 2 dogs named Eggs and 2 dogs named Eleven (at 2643 and 2646 respectively). Why name your dog Luna when you could have a George Bailey (2720), a Henry James (2769), or a - get ready - Indiana Bones (2798)?

The list only includes names with 2 or more incidences, but I bet there is some wacky shit for the only dogs with that name. A friend of a friend named their dog Rosa Barks, which I thought was great but now in retrospect might be slightly offensive? I can’t tell. What are some of the best names you’ve heard?

(There are 5 dogs in SF with my dog’s name, placing her at 1203. That’s about the right spot for her, I think.)